they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
