worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
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