You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Randomize
