that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Randomize
