i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
