I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Blood and glitter go together right?
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Randomize
