I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
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