need another drink. this is the easiest way
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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