i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
