Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
