...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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