Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
