Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
