I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
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