I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
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