Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize