The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
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