3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
