i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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