I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize