some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I just found a bag of teeth...
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
