Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
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