I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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