i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
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