So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
