If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
