There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize