The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
