i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
