all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
