This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
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