Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
