I never want to see another naked old woman again.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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