You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
