the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
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