We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
