turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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