Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
