So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
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