you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Randomize
