brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
