Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Randomize
