I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
