My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
