dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
