Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
i've created a new STD.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
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