i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
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