Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
