How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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