Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
