and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Tornado booty call.. dedication
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
