I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Randomize
