He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Randomize
