My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Randomize
