No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
