Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
