Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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