I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
