just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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