please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
