check it out our google latitudes are spooning
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
