I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Randomize
