just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Randomize
