Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Randomize
