i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Randomize
