He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I wear drunk well.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
