Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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